Out of all the posters I found on Google this was by far the best and most appropriate:

Everybody knows that David lynch is crazier than a bag of doorknobs, so I shouldn’t be surprised when his movies do the things that they do. Blue velvet is about Kyle McLaughlin’s unhealthy obsession with a severed ear. You know what’s funny? I just grossly oversimplified the plot for comic effect but I bet if David lynch read that he’d say “Finally! Somebody gets it!”

The movie takes place in the 50′s (probably) and starts out fairly normal. Now, you might be thinking “severed ear” and “normal” don’t go too well together but it’s a David Lynch movie. If Blue Velvet started out with a shot of a mime slapping himself in the face with a piece of salami while David Bowie sat in the background screaming, I would STILL think to myself, “when is this going to get weird?”

Kyle McLaughlin and that paleontologist chick from Jurassic Park are supposed to be college/high school aged (probably) and like each other, and they flirt, and they decide to investigate this whole severed ear thing together because apparently that sounds like a better idea of a 1950′s style date than going to the drive in and having sex. This goes on for a while and I finally got to the point where I thought, hey, you know what? Maybe this movie isn’t totally bat-shit insane. Maybe it’s just a movie about investigating a severed ear. But I thought Dennis Hopper was in this. Oh! There he is! And he’s dry-humping Isabella Rossellini while screaming “BABY WANTS TO FUCK” with a piece of, you guessed it!, blue velvet shoved into his mouth.

Ta-da! NOW it’s a David Lynch movie.

Did I mention that while that was going on Kyle McLauglin was naked and silently watching from the closet? Aside from the severed ear plot point, I can’t begin to tell you what the fuck this movie is about. It takes a serious sharp turn into crazy town and doesn’t really ever leave. From the moment Dennis Hopper enters the movie it’s mostly about him and how fucking happy you should be that he’s not your uncle. Honestly I can’t pick my favorite scene with him because they’re all equally insane and incomprehensible, but I do have a particular fondness for the part where, after screaming about how much he loves PBR, Dennis screams “I’LL FUCK ANYTHING THAT MOVES!” and then litereally dissapears from the frame.

YES! I can’t believe I found that on Youtube!

I really liked Blue Velvet, because I’m a film student and we’re supposed to like deep shit that nobody can understand. But seriously, David Lynch movies are fun to watch if you can put up with not understanding ANYTHING. The only thing I actually didn’t like was that it had a weird happy ending that didn’t fit in with the hour and a half of terrifying craziness you just watched, but I guess everything in the 50′s ended happily (probably).

KISSES!
-JON:)